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11:39 a.m. - 2001-07-18
I haven't slept in 3 days. My normal insomnia usually lets me sleep for a couple hours between ten in the morning till noonish. However as some beautiful twist of fate even those precious seconds have been taken away. I'm not exactly sure why.

Anyway, i'm having a very lonely day. I have been keeping my mind very busy trying to figure out solutions for my many problems, or at least plans to get myself out of the current ass-fuckings life has been giving me. And today doing it has quite simply made me feel very small, and very alone.

As far as the roller coaster, it's still screaming up and down like a drunken banshee. We'll see what happens with that.

Self-doubt. Having a plan, having a dream, having anything and then not following through because you tell yourself "What if...., or what if this...or if this is like this then will i..." I find these kind of thoughts rushing through my mind. It's quite annoying I have to say.

My financial situation is horrible. Within the last three weeks i've lost a small fortune. Somewhere around eighteen thousand dollars. So, i'm in a bit of a pickle here. I think I have 177$ in my bank account, and i'm getting 960$ tommorow from an investment I made a little while back.

Oh well, so basically i'm trying to come up with a plan. I opened a new website design company but I don't think thats going to make me enough money to pay my rent before it's due. The first kinda crawls up on ya doesn't it. Why does the end of the month always come quicker when you don't have any money.

Fuck it I guess.

I would be much better equipped to deal with these situations had I been able to sleep.

Maybe I should get a night job.





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