9:20 p.m. - 2004-04-26
I no longer know myself, or what direction my life is taking.
New friends, ex-girlfriends, dead ends, helpless in trends of drunkeness and irresponsibility.
Haven't paid bills in a while, I should probably get on that, before they get on me, and offer me a free trip to the land of the lost, where the lights are off, and the TV only plays "menu" and it's always a repeat.
My friends keep dying, nothing I can do about it. Friends forever, then they die for some stupid reason or another.
Fucking ridiculous, it's all over in a flash, I wish my flash would come, so I could overcome all the lost thoughts, that I bought at the liquor store with a coupon for a dollar off.
Everything has become retarded, I hate my life, I hate my job, I hate my family, I hate the fact that I hate myself, can't get up in the morning and face myself in the mirror.
Don't want to look at the reflection because I see the things i've done and said and never felt bad about, I see the things that have happened to me and I see that I deserved them, worse than them, I deserved to die, I still do, but I can't seem to shake this feeling that i'm stuck here, in a circle, driving around forever, and ever, till I run out of gas, running on fumes now, can't go much longer, doesn't matter when it's all over i'll just strangle myself with my seat belt.
Someone once said "Look at the world around you and tell me of the benefits of sanity." Well let me tell you something it doesn't look all that great from the other side.
"He who fights monsters should be careful lest he thereby becomes a monster. And if thou gaze long into the abyss, the abyss will also gaze into thee" -Nietzsche
Oh shi..I think he was on to something.