5:26 a.m. - 2002-04-12
LOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE
Everything seems wonderful when you're swimming in a drunken state of bliss. For the most part, when people wake up from that state, all their problems come rushing back at them with a fury.
At the moment though, I don't have that problem, for the good outweighs the bad. I've said it before, but it's so profound a feeling for me that it bears the need for repeating.
The amount of happiness I feel makes all things bad in my life melt away into nothingness. I am completely and thoroughly happy.
Every day when I wake up I thank whatever controlling entity (although I don't believe in one) for the one thing that I have. That one thing outweighs all others, for there is no emotion in the world that is better than love. That feeling so makes all others pale in comparison that it is indescribable to those who haven't expierienced it.
I could never explain the way I feel right now to someone who has never expierienced love.
For once in my life, I feel that things could actualy work out.
It just simply fits.
Everything. So simple a theory, and yet so complicated a task that it's taken me 6 years to replace what I once had, and though it's not "yet" at that level, I feel that sooner then I feel comfortable with, it will be.
I almost feel bad that the thing that I hold higher than all other things could so easily be copied.
Not copied, that's the wrong description, for it is completely different in every way, although many things remind me of my first love, the relationship and the way I feel are completely differeny, and exactly the same at the same time.
Maybe that's how love works, a complex game to see how we will react.
The Gods must be laughing their asses off to see us sprawl and crawl around like cockroaches feeling things that only they can understand...
Little do they know however, that I have the understanding, by giving me a taste, they have filled my cup.
I'm in love.
It's hard to admit.
Especially when i'm sober, which at this point, i'm not. but i'm hardly ever sober so fuck it.
I love my life, I love Heather.
I love Heather.
Boo fuckin yah.
Nothing else matters.
Not really..
I don't care if a fuckin bomb goes off and kills twenty million people.
I love Heather.
Wow.
I surprise myself sometimes.
Sometimes I want to fall asleep early just for the pleasure of waking up and realizing that all of this has NOT been a dream, and that it's real, that I can reach over and stroke her hair and everything in me is filled once again with peace.
Drunken rants are FUN !
I'm only honest when i'm drunk.
All the other times I usually lie, or at least only tell half the truth..
Right now though, i'm pretty buzzed, so i'll do the whole honest thing one more time.
I love Heather.
With the exception of that, nothing else is new. I still hate life, have no job, no money, no future, no plan, except now I have the hope for the better of all 5.
Yeah. Fuggit n'shit.
p.s. I watched Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles on DVD today. Am I a lucky motherfucker or what.
Buying 10$ DVD's at Walmart rocks my world.
<3 <3 <3
Night kids
<3 <3 <3
