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12:27 a.m. - 2002-01-07 Anticipation of the Unknown. I don't know where I am anymore. I don't know what to do. People need something from me. I don't know if I can give it. Theres something I need to do if I want to be out of this hellhole in 6 months, I don't know if I can do it. Love...I lost it, I think. Do you remember me still ? If I was there, would you still feel it ? Trembling.. Worried.. This isn't me ? I don't wonder.. I know. Always. I know. I just took this online screening test for Depression. www.depressionscreening.com, 10 questions, they told me at the end I should call 911 immediatly. I thought that was pretty funny. Then I realized they were serious.. Oh well, fuck it. I was never good at tests. I was never good at anything that was important. I am master of the trivial. Please, help me ? There were things I was supposed to do this week. I didn't do them, i've been in a trance, the trance of the repetitiveness of someone who can't live without excitement living in the world of the bland. You seen Shrek ? You that castle, the town where everything is supposed to be perfect and everything stays the same...and the rules...and regulations...well that's where I live, except nothings perfect, and all the rules are against me. 1) Don't live 2) Don't enjoy 3) Don't understand. I'm living in a world that wants me to die. They have no use for me. I don't understand anything anymore. I had it all figured out..then it melted away...like a cup of ice ? Maybe.. Or maybe I never knew at all.. Maybe i'm dillusional... Maybe I should call 911.. Nah fuck it, nobody would even know. Nobody would miss me. It's all a big joke. Life. Fuck it. I fight this battle for you.. It's the only reason i'm here.. Is that sad ? No. Tragic. Night Kids <3
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