12:55 a.m. - 2001-10-25
"The minute I heard my first love story I started looking for you, not knowing how blind that was. Lovers don't finally meet somewhere. They're in each other all along."
"I was born when you kissed me. I died when you left. I lived a few weeks while you loved me"
Cliche I realize, but beautiful and heartfelt none the less, yes ?
I would just like to announce, that if I were gay, I would be a pimp. Gay guys give me their numbers all the time. Girls do too, but the gay guy to girl ratio is about 4:1.
I realize that a clean, showered, guy who takes care of himself and doesn't look like he just woke up is rare in the neo-modern straight male, but it doesn't neccesarily mean i'm gay just because I do. Apparently homosexuals have a different theory. Not that it bothers me in the slightest, I'm quite flattered if anyone, male or female, takes an interest in me. Just thought i'd mention it that's all.
So yeah, i'm in love with you. Who ? It doesn't matter, I just am.
I might move to PA, I think i'm going to. When Ash goes there i'm going to visit. I think I might be able to fandangle a free house, free rent situation if I play my cards right down there. I don't know.
I still have no clue about what to do about the whole love thing, and the whole finding the one single person who fills my heart with joy thing, you know, that.
But i'm too depressed right now to think about it, much more pouting and feeling sorry for myself to do before I can come up with a solution..
My entire reason for being. My entire existence revolved around looking into your eyes. To look deep into your very soul. I was calm there. I was myself there. I have lost you forever. I know that now. Your eyes however, I will never forget. I will never forget how we talked under the stars. I will never forget the peace I felt in your arms. I will never forget the longing that holds my heart deep down depression. I love you, I always have, always will. I would give up the rest of my life, for just one more night, just one more hour, one more minute, one breath, on my neck, as I close my eyes in an embrace that sends me into the light that only angels if they existed could know.
The light that is love.
The love, that creates light.
I fear I shall never feel that light on me again.
My heart sees only darkness.
The darkness which is my future.
No matter how it turns out.
Will be the same.
Will still be cold.
I'm starting to Give Up.