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1:41 a.m. - 2001-09-12
....where is my mind?
Today, a great tragedy has befallen our self proclaimed great nation. Like many screaming children I too cry out for the thousands of people who today join the ranks of the heroes of the past and march on to their final resting place. I moved to Vegas from New York, knowing many people, the odds of me not knowing someone who was involved in this heartless tragedy were slim to none. Yet as I clenched the phone listening to the ill news of three of my close friends, the shock was formidable as if I had never been there before in my life. I couldnít believe that three people, so good hearted and kind, unlike me, had died along with countless others.

As I grew up, being the misguided and ill-tempered child that I was, I found most of my time in places my parents thought would better me as a person. One such place was with the Quakers and their many gatherings across the country. The one thing my parents ever did right was to send me there, it did make me grow as a person, and the people I met while attending these functions will remain in my heart forever. The three mentioned above, were such people. Three good hearted kind wonderful people, who happened to be at the World Trade Center doing whatever it is Quakers do when theyíre not around me, died trying to help the others after the initial blast from the first plane.

Truly a tragedy that will be remembered by all Americans. The intensity and magnitude of which most people will never realize. For me however, even as tragic as the event itself, weíre the things I saw from Americans themselves afterwards. The faces of New Yorkers screaming out for each other whether they knew the victims or not, people across America signing up for blood drives or waving flags in support over highways, this is what humanity is about and these people should be held in our hearts and minds forever. Unfortunately not all people are so enlightened, and the second tragedy of the day which hit me harder then the first were some of the reactions I got from people ever so slightly less intelligent. People who couldnít be bothered to talk about it, ďIím sick of hearing about it, been going on all dayĒ, ďI had to hear this all day at school, can we please talk about something else?Ē, ďOh, itís finally a tragedy, they shut down Disney, I think I might shed a tearĒ. People today, engulfed in flames, mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, friends, grandmothers engulfed in the fires of Hell. Couples choosing to die together jumping out of windows holding hands rather to be separated and crushed by tons of metal and steel, and this is what there fellow Americans had to say about them. Truly one of the most explicit example of human disgust I have ever seen. How ignorant and foolish can we be. How arrogant can we possibly be to think that something doesnít matter simply because we are not directly involved. Or to think you arenít, because everyone in America, no matter where you are, could be sitting in the next city rocked to itís knees by insane people thousands of miles away laughing hysterically at the horror. Another example today of how I hate people.

It is not enough that we punish the responsible parties, we must ensure to Americans and people across the world that the time for this kind of cowardice and horror is at an end, and the time for action is now. Violence is not the answer, well, I will be number one in line for the shooting party for the horrendous fool behind this tragedy. After that, it is time to ask ourselves why this happened. Why is it that as a people we can not grow and live together in peace. I hate to use such an event as a plug for my society of choice, but in an Anarchist society, we could live together as Humans, instead of Americans, Palestinians, Russians, Chinese. We would simply be Humans, who frequent different parts of the Earth, practice different religions, have different beliefs, but after all is said and done, at the end of the day, we would be Humans. Why is it not that that we have pride in. Why canít our patriotism be held for Mother Earth? Itís hard for me to believe, as crazy and insane, and uncaring that it is, that people who would be willing to give up so many lives, including their owns, for their beliefs has no merit. I am in no way condoning their actions, I condemn them, but what besides insanity could possibly bring them to that end. I just think that if we lived together, forget all the scientific advances we could have if we didnít spend so much time hiding things from each other, forget the new age of development and state of mind we could create by coming together, but isnít the loving peace we could grow to have for each other enough to try ??

I know that in my lifetime, the Governments will never stop there unending search for money and power and land and greed, but I hope that someday that there bitter battles and games they play with each other are costing human life. I hope that one day citizens will see that we are only pawns in a game only the leaders in power can play. Just from the reactions of the ignorant people I got today proves to me we are a long way off from being able to think outside our own little worlds. But I know there are people out there like me, who think like me. I donít know, itís all confusing, it takes away all the security and the sense of safety you have when something like this happens.

Although you probably donít get it much from my diary, Iíve never been a big crier. Sure I bitch a lot, and I get depressed, and some nights I get so upset I can hardly breathe. The actual act though, hasnít happened in a very long time, not full out anyway, but today, I think when I lay my head down and everything starts to sink in, Iím going to break down.

A great tragedy has befallen you all, I am crushed as Iím sure a lot of you are, I wish you all strength during these hard times, please be good to yourself, and if you need someone to talk to, come to me, a stranger, I will be there as best I can. Love to you all. For now Iíll be doing the best I can to get elected President of the United States so I can bring an end to this madness and unite the world, remember my name, youíll be voting for it later.





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