Get your own
 diary at! contact me older entries

3:55 a.m. - 2001-06-27
Sometimes I feel so lost. I feel like the foam on the break of the ocean, silently drifting along with no purpose, no heading, and no control over where I am thrust. I spend an enourmous amount of my time in public just watching people. Seeing how they react to one another, seeing how they react to situations, seeing what makes them happy, sad, discusted, what sparks them, what depresses them.

Some people are truly ignorant to the realities of life, most people really, they live in there own tiny world, never realizing that there are other people. Never seeing life for what it is, they have there job, there families, there daily ritual, and thats all there is. And even thought they whine and complain like we all do, down in there gut, they are happy. I suppose ignorance truly is bliss. I can always tell the people who are like me, who may not think like me, but are able to see there life from a different angle, people who are perfectly aware of what is really going on, and how laughable reality is.

The way people act, the little things that make them upset, the little arguments they have, the thing they rant on about for hours, really don't mean anything, it's just noise, when it's all said and done, it's just more noise.

I suppose like many others, I am searching for a purpose where the isn't one to be found. I was talking with one of those people earlier tonight which has sparked this little entry.

So here we go, to float in the nothingness of life, to view things how we do, never being able to shut it all out and become one of the shining happy people. I'm glad though, even though it leads to a life of depression, causing me many a night laying here thinking about everything in the dark. If I was one of those childish ignorant giggling morons who have no more sense then a bowl of jello, I think i would have to die, simply for principal.

I don't know, I truly don't get it most of the time. Maybe I just missed something when I was growing up. To me society and people and life and religion and how we set everything up just seems so confusing, so utterly and horribly wrong. The way people treat eachother, the way they act, they way that they will never understand the way I do forcing me to make sarcastic remarks while viewing them in all there splendor at some random IHOP at 3 in the morning.

I realize this entry wasn't all that fantastic, but it's 4 in the morning, I'm tired, confused, and depressed, so that's all you get out of me.

The Angry Pope makes me smile. He's such a funny bastard.

<3 night all




previous - next

about me - read my profile! read other Diar
yLand diaries! recommend my diary to a friend! Get
 your own fun + free diary at!