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7:35 p.m. - 2001-06-13
It's 7:35 p.m.

Right now I SHOULD be out with a gorgeous girl that was interested in me. Instead, I am at home, talking in an AOL chatroom wondering how many Tylenol it takes to commit suicide. I tried 20 once but I ended up living so I think maybe a different way is more suitable this time.

Damn my standards to hell. Why is it that I can't make myself just fuck every whore that's interested in me. I have to have class, I have to have this utter aversion to whores that makes me want to puke every time they come within 10 feet of me.

I was supposed to go out with this girl tonight, then I found out she was a whore. I didn't just hear a rumor, I have actual facts.

It seems the only people ever interested in me are whores. Maybe that's some kind of hint. I sure hope not, because if that's so I am gonna be single forever.

Why can't I just find a normal girl. I know theres no such thing as normal or whatever but you know what I mean. Just someone who is interested in having a commited relationship. I don't know why I can't. I totally trust people I am in relationships with. I don't try to control them, I don't care who they hang out with. I'm willing to do anything for them, no matter what it is, or what time it is. Whether it's come over and massage there neck for 5 hours cuz they can't sleep. Or just be there. Or do them a favor or whatever. I would make the perfect boyfriend. I don't understand it. I'm not attractive but I wouldn't say I was ugly eithier.

I don't know.

Fuck it.

I guess depression is the one I snuggle up with tonight to watch late night.

Fuckin A' I really don't know why I bother sometimes.




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