12:51 a.m. - 2001-06-12
When one sits in the solitude of his own mind it's hard to hide the lies anymore.
You have to face up to the fact that you lie to yourself and to the world on a daily basis. That your entire personality could and probably is sole for the benefit of others. Especially those of rebellious nature. Seeming to me to be rebelling only to fit in in a world that would in any other time or place deny them...
When your alone at night in your darkened room when theres nobody left to convince you your own lies are true. You have no other choice but to break down and enter into insanity, and if only for a brief moment, see the blood stained walls of your inner psyche. It's a frightening place. A place that has no room for egotistical madness or status or cares to hear about your "problems".
It's here you begin to cry.
It's here you begin to learn. It's here you start being yourself.
Alas..then you leave..you cry yourself to sleep or with bitter rationalization trick yourself into believing your own manipulations for society! And you dream..of other places...better things..and you wake up with your feeling of self-worth fully renewed and ready to once again live it out.
You make me sick.
I could never leave, even though I have no choice but to be realistic, even if I did I could never flip my hair and shout out IGNORANCE IS BLISS from the rooftops.
Keep your fucking labels.
Keep your inner societys of bullshit.
If anyone needs me I'll be being me.