12:34 a.m. - 2002-01-22
*OH SNAP EDITED FOR CONTENT* I couldn't answer really, kind of just shook my head..maybe now alone, smoking a cigarette and staring at my own reflection I can give it a whirl.
Impending doom, or something..
Something along the lines of a cloud hanging over my head..pitch black earth beneath my feet, my heart hanging heavy as if gravity itself decided to hang on to it alone with all it's power for one single moment..that lasted forever..Everything I had ever liked or hated, envied, thought about, cared about, cherished, and ever gave any remote thought to, melted away into nothingness, and for one heartbeat, it was as if I died as well...
I sat there in motionless, silence, the din of the conversation in the room with me melted away at first to a soft buzzing sound, then drowned out, by a more powerful voice..silence..total and utter silence..the kind of silence you feel when you know you shouldn't..I would imagine the same way someone feels who woke up from a car wreck and found they had lost their hearing..
What did I feel ?
I had known what love felt like, it was the only emotion I truly felt I knew, the only emotion I truly understood, cherished, and fully felt. The only one I could grasp...
*OH SNAP EDITED FOR CONTENT*.... I dropped the phone, I suddenly was to understand some others...hatred, pain, depression, sadness, spite, jealousy, envy, bitterness, cynicism, and above all, Rage.
Consuming any faith and spirit I had left in tiresome bones like the fires of the Christians made up Hell, the Rage inside of me burned..
Yet stayed silent..
What did I feel ?
I tried to forget. I can never really explain, not in the meek and pitiful words I spawn out.
So, I hope that answers your question, even though you'll never read this.
On to other things...
I've decided instead of buying an old classic car, like a charger, or a mustang, i'm going to go with something with a little more room for my own twinge of personality, a Volkswagon bus, not with any of this tree hugging hippy nonsens, flower power brimming around the exhaust pipe, oh no !
Blue shag carpet and seat apholstrey, not just shag, but big fluffs of neon material, painted all black, replace the tire on the front with a steel anarchy symbol, painted all black, large anarchy symbols on the sides, also adding in my favorite quotes, huge system in the inside, and a black light, and um...a TV, and um...furniture..and um...oh crap, I dunno, all kinds of things..a real X-country Dan-mobile for the new millenia....So that's the plan for now. Hopefully be leaving here around August, unless I move down to PA with Ash for a while. Depending.
I'll just play it by ear.
I've really decided lately, I truly do hate everything and everbody currently and presently in my day to day life..with the exception of those I talk to from other parts of the country online..
I wish I was back with my Vegas crew. The people I really felt I could talk with..
Anyway, sandbag a goat for Daddy..
DO IT BITCH !!
NO NO MOMMY I DONT WANNA PET THE BUNNIES !
Shut up...die now...thanks...
Nothing quite as poetic as a cry for help ay ?
Eat me, and the horse I rode in on, don't want to waste good meat..them's fightin' words.
I've gotten a tad off track, well anyway, i'm going to bed soon, I was going to try and write something profound and meaningful today, because you know, I haven't in a while, but I wasted all of my profoundness on my book writing, so this is what's left over..
OH MY GOD ITS A BUG !!!
That means I love you in some countries.
*wink wink, nudge nudge*
<3 Night Kids...
I'm so fucking pathetic :)